In the previous article, we found out that if we want to become more successful in all areas of life, then emotional intelligence can and should be developed. Research has shown that while EI, or cognitive intelligence, is not flexible and does not change much from childhood to old age, EI is a set of skills that can and should be learned. Essentially, by developing emotional intelligence, we learn to integrate rational and emotional thinking to minimize situations where we are not in control of what we say and do. I must say that this happens quite often, and, for example, an indicator for me that such a situation took place is the beginning of an internal dialogue about why I didn’t say or did something differently, and playing alternative scenarios in my head. Why did I raise my tone with my daughterwhen was late for work in the morning? Why do I tell the taxi driver which road to take if he has found a good route himself? This is how, when you analyze your own behavior and thoughts, you gradually realize what triggers your internal triggers, or buttons, which, when “pressed”, give out familiar, but inexplicable and ineffective reactions.
“In this way, when you analyze your own behavior and thoughts, you gradually understand what triggers your internal triggers, or buttons that, when pressed, give out familiar, but inexplicable and ineffective reactions” - Olga Bulatova, EY partner, executive coach …
Intrapersonal competence
Recognition and awareness of emotions is the first (and there are five of them) element of developed emotional intelligence. The basic emotions, according to Paul Ekman and David Goleman, are as follows:
- Joy;
- Sadness;
- Anger;
- Fear;
- Disgust;
- Surprise.
At the same time, each emotion has an infinite variety of shades. Think for a minute and remember what emotions you can attribute to the palette of joyful ones? How many did you manage to name? Any basic emotion has at least 15 related emotions, and recognizing each of them is a very exciting and useful exercise for developing EI. Emotion also depends on the intensity of experiences - for example, when experiencing joy, it can be downwardly the following feelings:
- Excitation;
- Delight;
- Passion;
- Ecstasy;
- Energy;
- Cheerfulness;
- Satisfaction;
- Pleasure;
- Relief;
- Sympathy;
- Tenderness;
- Complacency.
It is important to learn to recognize emotions together with children - and then this process will be even more interesting and will unite all its participants.
The second element of high EI is self-regulation, self-management of one's own emotions and the resulting actions. Maintaining a resourceful state, controlling destructive emotions such as anger and fear, is the foundation of a balanced and happy life. It is not for nothing that the practice of meditation, connection with oneself and mindfulness have become so popular in life and in business: they provide a person with a huge resource in terms of energy and efficiency.
For many years in business, the slogan has been: “when you come to work, leave your problems and emotions outside the door”. And everyone strenuously pretended that they were good at it. It was easier for men - in any case, it seemed so from the outside, although in reality men simply better “keep their faces”, because many boys are taught from childhood to hide emotions: “don't cry, you’re a man”! Women are more open in terms of demonstrating feelings and experiences, so they were labeled as “emotionally dependent”.
In reality, both male and female brains are designed in such a way that the first reaction to any event will always be emotional, and representatives of both sexes cannot equally control this part of the process. Therefore, self-regulation as a skill is equally necessary for both men and women.
The third element of the emotional intelligence model is motivation, or self-motivation - the ability to tune in positively to an external event in life or work that is not related to material compensation. This is the belief in the ability to achieve goals and the ability to control motives that interfere with the achievement of goals, for example, the ability to abstain from a piece of cake at night or forcing yourself to memorize five foreign words each morning.
All of the above three components were aimed mainly at oneself, managing emotions, desires and goals.
Social competence
The next two outward-directed elements are the development of empathy (social sensitivity), and relationship management. This is already social competence. Just imagine the situation: an employee sits in time trouble in an open office space, the energy of others around him is noisy and seething, and at this moment an angry manager runs up to him and publicly reprimands him for delaying the release of the report. What do you think: how much more efficient the employee will be after that? Obviously, an increase in pressure causes fear and other shades of this emotion - fear, panic, anxiety, uncertainty - everything that does not contribute to concentration and increased concentration in thoughts and actions. The task of a leader with high emotional intelligence is to understand the context of the situation and manage the relationship in a way that helps the employee cope with it. For example, you can provide an opportunity to work in a less noisy room or at home, as well as reassure and offer any other possible help. It is those leaders who know how to work through heart, feelings, acceptance and empathy who create an atmosphere of engagement and abundant energy that people and teams follow. Returning to the example from previous articles: the mother of a child who fell on the street and burst into tears may feel sorry for him, realizing how painful he is, and not reproach. It is this line of behavior that gradually, drop by drop, builds trust between parents and children.create an atmosphere of engagement and replete with energy, people and teams follow. Returning to the example from previous articles: the mother of a child who fell on the street and burst into tears may feel sorry for him, realizing how painful he is, and not reproach. It is this line of behavior that gradually, drop by drop, builds trust between parents and children.create an atmosphere of engagement and replete with energy, people and teams follow. Returning to the example from previous articles: the mother of a child who fell on the street and burst into tears may feel sorry for him, realizing how painful he is, and not reproach. It is this line of behavior that gradually, drop by drop, builds trust between parents and children.
Thus, you must first find the key to yourself through the development of self-awareness, self-control and self-motivation, and this, in the future, will help to find the keys to other people through empathy and building relationships.
Photo: Getty Images
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