Set specific goals for yourself, but stay flexible
Dreaming is very important and necessary. But more important is to be internally flexible. Don't cling to your goals. Because life is more complicated. Yes, it is important to remember childhood dreams, but how relevant are they to you today? Would you even listen to advice from your 10-year-old now? Let's say you have long dreamed of wealth. Ask yourself honestly: why do I want this? What latent need will I try to satisfy - the desire for security, confidence in the future? Or do you want to enhance your sense of self-worth? I advise you to be careful with the latter. When your ego is attached to the achievement of a goal and pride is turned on, the process often becomes unconstructive. You will start spending a lot of energy and, possibly, lose your bearings. And if you do, you will most likely experience disappointment. I also always ask clients ifWhen we analyze their goals, what is it that really drives them: the pursuit of pleasure, or the attempt to escape pain and compensate for something? We need to work to ensure that the desire to achieve something is always a powerful positive emotion, and not an escape from pain. If there is a plus-sign drive, it will fuel you.
Strive not for happiness, but for harmony
What is happiness? An emotional outburst that usually does not last long. Our brain and body are purely physiologically incapable of permanently being in a state of so-called happiness, this is extremely energy-intensive. In English, there is another concept - contentment (a state of satisfaction, harmony, lightness, from content - "satisfied"). This is what I encourage clients to do first. This is a calmer, more peaceful, down-to-earth state. Staying in it constantly is quite real. Because life is always multifaceted. Everything can be great at work, but at home it was not the best period. But at the same time, nothing prevents you from living with a sense of contentment - trusting the world and your own intuition and trying to thank the universe as often as possible for what you have.
Want to live long - learn to negotiate with your ego
For almost twenty years of practice, I have consulted thousands of people. According to my observations, people who live long and at the same time achieve success possess a number of psychological skills, habits and principles. I will list the most important ones. Such people try not to take anything to heart. They don't take life and themselves too seriously. They are able to abstract from negativity and cope with stress. They are also good at communicating. In particular - to convey to those around you your thoughts, needs, claims. Therefore, they rarely take offense, as they try to clarify situations and put dots over i. They also have faith. Not in the sense of religiosity, no. It's just that many successful people go through life with the feeling that they are not alone, but are part of something larger than themselves. And yet such people are not reactive, but proactive. They prefer not to be victims of circumstances, but to take responsibility. Well, of course, your lifestyle is important, first of all - food. The more foods in the diet containing antioxidants (there are a lot of them, for example, in green tea - in England now everyone is crazy about matcha or matcha tea), as well as alkalizing foods (these are almost all types of vegetables, cereals), the better. …
Understand your preferences
In coaching sessions, I always try to get to the bottom of the problem as soon as possible, more precisely, to the emotion that blocks you. Often this is not one, but several emotions, which, as a rule, lie at the basis of your subconscious attitudes, which eventually turn into life programs. Fears and other negative emotions block the energy that is needed for change, for moving forward. For example, they say to me: "I am afraid of change." But this is, so to speak, packaging, not the problem itself. So I start asking you questions again. What are you really afraid of? If, for example, you cling to stability, what is the worst thing that can happen to you if you lose it? Loneliness, a state of emptiness?.. It also makes sense to deal with the attitudes underlying your ideas about yourself and the world. For instance,there is a very widespread attitude - "success does not shine for me." First, let's find out what success and success mean for you personally. What do you really want from life? What is really important to you? If money, then, again, what exactly do they symbolize for you: a means of achieving comfort or significance, publicity, high social status? To what extent do you internally allow yourself to have all this? By the way, the settings can often conflict with each other. For example, you want to have a successful career, are confident in your abilities and that the world is helping you. But at the same time in childhood you were taught that wealth is immoral. Or that combining career and family is wrong or impossible. In this case, the negative attitude will always prevail. Pain and fear are stronger and more enduring emotions than joy. My recommendation:diagnose your attitudes more often and, if necessary, filter them, deliberately getting rid of or radically reformulating those that limit you.
Find a conductor
It is now very fashionable in the UK to approach coaches. It is to coaches, not psychologists. Wellness consultants and so-called Peak Performance Strategists are especially in demand. Also in fashion are impact coaches (impact - "contribution", "influence") - business coaches who teach to make an impression, gain charisma, influence others. Be that as it may, I am convinced that for growth - personal, professional - you need a guide. It doesn't have to be a coach or guru - it can be anyone you fully trust. And which will help you take an objective look at yourself from the outside and outline the path to change. Alone and in one sitting (my basic course, for example, consists of six two-hour consultations), this work is very difficult to do. I understand,that in many cultures it is not customary to turn to specialists of this kind. I have many clients in Dubai, but most of them either keep secret that they have hired a coach, or secretly come to London for a consultation.
Be authentic at the interview
What I mean? Behave naturally. Don't lie (recruiters are cunning, they instantly cut through such things). It is important that the employer has the impression that you know what you want. But at the same time, it is important to make these people understand that you, if necessary, can be flexible and able to adapt to new conditions. Be confident, but by no means arrogant. Don't be afraid to ask questions. An interview is not a one-way process. You are interviewing the employer as much as he is interviewing you. Your goal is to gather as much information as possible about the potential job. Especially with regard to those moments that are fundamentally important to you (I call them deal-breakers: for some it is a flexible schedule, for someone it is a comfortable workplace, etc.). Many do not do this, because they are afraid of rejection in advance. In addition,asking a lot of questions shows your interest and ability to work in a team. Plus the situation is discharged - the interrogation turns into a more or less friendly conversation.
Hire a virtual assistant
Social media is a business. And you should treat them rationally and pragmatically. It is known that up to 70% of the followers of such celebrities as Obama, Lady Gaga and others are fake. They were either bought or they are generally fake accounts. Having social media professionally, especially when it comes to several (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, Pinterest, Snapchat), is a full-fledged job. Full-time job. And if you think that a noticeable presence in these resources is useful for your career, for self-promotion, it is better to outsource this business. Hire a virtual assistant to manage your accounts. It is worth it, by the way, inexpensively (in the UK - about $ 5-10 per hour), and this virtual assistant can be a freelancer and be at least on the other side of the world. For example, I run Instagram myself,but for Facebook and especially Twitter, which I need for business, of course, specially hired people are responsible who know all the technical nuances - when and what to tweet. (True, most clients still find me through word of mouth.) In any case, such outsourcing saves both money and your time. In the same way, you can hire a personal PR specialist, accountant, programmer on the basis of freelancing - all these services are not so expensive now.programmer - all these services are not that expensive now.programmer - all these services are not that expensive now.
Only compete with yourself
Competition is natural, but often counterproductive. When we envy someone or try to compete, we, as a rule, interact not with a real person, but with his projection in our imagination. Which is most often extremely subjective and far from the truth. Especially if we're jealous of someone on social media. And by competing with ourselves, we are always guaranteed to move forward. I advise you to identify and formulate for yourself three of your strengths, which others should certainly notice and remember after meeting with you - personal or virtual. It is better that it be something that you really already have, that you do not need to create artificially. For example, these are three qualities: creativity, sociability, and charisma. Make them your trump card - use them in interviews, on social media, etc. For example,you want to give the impression of a creative person who always has a ton of ideas (even if they are not your own ideas). Publish on your Internet pages what inspires you: motivational quotes, interesting articles, design ideas, etc.
Visualize your happiness
This technique works - it has long been proven. The more often you go into a state as if you already have what you dream about, the higher the chances that you will actually have it. All sorts of symbols, visual images, talismans, with which you associate what you are striving for, can help. This is pure physiology - such things affect the reticular activating system. This is the most ancient, reptilian part of the brain associated with the senses - it is responsible for our ability to focus on a goal. For example, what would I do if I dreamed of getting a higher position? I would order a professional photography, where I would appear in a new, more advantageous way, with my shoulders squared and with a winner's smile. (For this occasion, I would certainly go shopping and do my makeup and styling.) One of my clients is a banker,dreaming of becoming famous - bought himself a copy of the Oscar statuette. In this sense, mood boards also work very well. And if these things cause internal resistance in you, it is useful to figure out why. Perhaps the same limiting attitudes are to blame.
Don't listen to career experts
Listen to yourself first. For example, it is believed that it makes sense to change jobs every five years. But everything is very individual! Each situation is unique. If you feel that you are in demand, if you have inspiration and what you do brings satisfaction, why leave such a job? But even here it will not hurt to have an honest conversation with yourself. Answer the questions: If I were a recruiter, would you hire yourself for my current position? Do I really benefit from it? Stagnating or still developing? When deciding to stay in my current job, what compromise with myself might I be making? What options are there on the market? What can be done to improve my qualifications? And if I'm afraid of change, then why? Know that change is inevitable. Everything in life is in constant flux.
Sloan Sheridan-Williams' 10 Qualities of Successful People:
1. Unshakable belief in yourself
2. Lack of fear of defeat
3. Ingenuity, creativity
5. Good intuition
6. Knowing yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, the ability to face fears
7. Consistency in thought, but flexibility in action
8. Ability to abstract from criticism and take responsibility
10. Gratitude for what is
About the expert:
Sloane Sheridan Williams
Photo: Getty Images
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